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 Thoughts of a Mad Man

Updated as often as new thoughts or revelations arise !!!
(Don't ask for too much, the hampster wheel is already on overtime!)


Animals: What if the seagull was first discovered near a bay? What would they have called it?

Carpet Fresheners: How do you know if unscented carpet freshener is working?

Aging: You know you're getting old when, over time, your hairline receeds faster than the frosting that suppose to be on a Pop Tart®.

Corporal Punishment: You know you're twisted when you look back at corporal punishment in grammar school and suddenly get a smile on your face.

Friends: Every group of friends has a slut within in it. If you can't identify that person ... it's probably you!

Dyslexicia: If a dyslexic person writes a note, can another dyslexic person read it?

High School: Isn't high school a bit like prison? You do your four years and get out on probation.

Science: If everyone on Earth jumped up in the air at the exact same time, would the Earth rotate off it's axis?

Pet Food: Why isn't there a mouse or fly flavored cat food and a shoe flavored dog food?

Firearms: Guns don't kill people, bullets do!

Aging: Isn't your biggest fear of growing old not that you will be sent off to live in a nursing home but rather the fear of that certain nurse who is destined to give you a sponge bath with the pot scrubber side of the sponge?

Television: Why do they bother to report power outages on TV?

Housing Cleaning: Why is it that women always find a need to clean the house the night before the cleaning people are to come? The cleaning people already know we're slobs, or else we wouldn't need their services!

Legal: If a 'parsley' farmer is sued for everything, do they bother to 'garnish' his wages?

Battle of the Sexes: It was a man's world until Eve came along!

Car Accidents: They're "accidents!" If they were intentional they would have called them "on purposes."

Dishwashers: Why do we pay money for a dishwasher if we have to wash the dishes before we put them in?

Religion: The Bible commands, "You shall have no other gods before (or besides) me." (Exodus 20:3; Deuteronomy 5:7). With all of the various religions and gods around the world, some group is going to have a HUGE suprise waiting for them when they arrive at the pearly gates and find the doors locked!

Grocery Shopping: It's a "grocery store" not "food store."

Glue: Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Death: What the caterpillar calls death, the butterfly calls life!

Underwear: Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Wool: When it rains, do sheep shrink?

Trust: Trust everyone, but brand your cattle!

Religion: If God is almighty and can do anything, can he then create a boulder that he cannot lift?

Aviation: If a B-1 stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

Urban Living: Urban living is where they rip out all of the trees in the city, and then name the streets after them.

Excuses: An excuse only serves to satisfy the person making it.

Success: If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Legal: If the police arrest a mime, do they inform them that they have the right to remain silent?

Vegitarians: Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Schizophrenia: If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Language: Is there another word for synonym?

Doctors & Lawyers: Do you ever get concerned that what doctors and lawyers do is still referred to as "practice"?

Swearing: If a mutes swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Language: Why aren't there any words that rhyme with the colors "orange" or "purple"?

Vacationing: Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Cotton: When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Claustrophobia: Can a person be a closet claustrophobic?

Language: Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?

Credit Cards: It's a "credit card" not a "charge plate."

Winnie the Pooh: Why does the Pooh bear wear a shirt but no pants?

Age: Anyone who says age is just a number obviously hasn't had the time to do the math.



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This web page was last updated on : September 11, 2000 at 10:21 P.M. PST